


we'll chase the dark together

by Panthera_tigris



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, First Time, Other, Past Relationship(s), Porn With Plot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 11:11:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20741258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panthera_tigris/pseuds/Panthera_tigris
Summary: Steve and Natasha search the world for Bucky and end up finding each other along the way.





	we'll chase the dark together

**Author's Note:**

> Set after winter soldier but before civil war  
This will be part of a larger series in time :V

Everyone told him not to do it. 

Sam, Fury, Hill, hell even Tony- the master of irresponsible life choices- told him not to follow Bucky. Not to engage him. 

They tried to convince him that his Bucky was gone- that his Bucky died somewhere in the unforgiving Siberian winter nearly seventy years ago. This Winter Soldier was just the hollow shell of Bucky’s broken body with thoughts and memories not his own. Bucky’s memories were gone. The memories of the two of them growing up together, raising each other when parents could not, their mishaps with dames, that is until they realized that those dames weren't really the ones they wanted- but they were all gone now. Those stiflingly hot summer nights in their small apartment on the west side of Brooklyn- where they would have no choice but to walk around in not but their skin. Or in the dead of winter, their building entrenched in snow and ice- their heat was not the most reliable and Steve- he was just so sickly. Bucky would be able to see him shiver violently from across the room, he’d crawl under the covers and hold Steve’s then small frame to his chest- just trying anything to keep him warm, keep him alive- please just one more night- just get him through one more night. When Steve regained his strength with the Springtime, Bucky didn’t leave his bed. He would still crawl under the scratchy comforter and hold Steve to him without a word. And it’s not like Steve minded- just friends helping friends, he would justify. It wasn’t long after that they began to fall into bed together in a different way- with much different intentions. They would murmur sweet nothings to each other while in each other’s tight grasp, declarations of adoration and even of love. He loved Bucky- and his Bucky loved him. 

But now those memories- those emotions, were erased from the mind of what used to be his Bucky. 

They were very much alive in Steve’s mind. They would claw and scratch at the inside of his skull- rattling around until the earliest hours of the morning- begging to be heard, to be experienced once again. It was all Steve had left of his Bucky. It was okay- it’s not like Steve needed much sleep these days anyways. 

Steve would argue with them. He’d argue to Tony, to Fury, to Maria- to anyone who would listen. That his Bucky was still alive somewhere inside the Winter Soldier’s mind. He saw the look on the Winter Soldier’s face when they met on the bridge and the helicarrier. There was anger and hatred- but Steve swore that there was something else there, a shred of something he couldn’t quite name. Recognition? Even love? 

But SHIELD and the other Avengers tried to keep him busy. They gave him small assignments and work to do- in an effort to put Bucky out of his mind, to just keep Steve from chasing him around the world. 

But Bucky had once followed him around the world. He had to at least try to return the favor. 

—

It was then that Natasha came to him. 

She showed up in his apartment late one night. He had since given up on sleep and rolled over to check his clock, the neon digits told him it was nearly midnight. He slowly swung himself from bed and his bare feet padded to the kitchen. He opened the fridge- the bright light nearly blinding him. He searched the barren fridge for something to drink, he pulled out the carton of orange juice and took a swig. 

He felt her before he even saw her. The tickle at the back of his neck alerted him to a presence. He turned around, ready for a fight. His guard immediately dropped when he saw the pale moonlight filtering in from his dirty kitchen window and illuminating her orange hair. 

She sat at the kitchen table in jeans and a black sweater, her features pensive.  
Steve sighed and set his juice down on the counter. “How’d you get in?”

“Do you really have to ask?” Natasha lips forming a small smirk. Steve rubbed a hand over his face, leaned his back against the counter and crossed his arms. 

“What are you doing here, Natasha?”

Natasha fingers pulled at the bottom hem of her sweater. 

“You loved him.” She paused, her words sounding like a question. “James, I mean.”

Steve blinked and paused. 

“I still do.” He said- just above a whisper. “He’s not dead.”

Natasha crossed her arms and sat straight in her chair. She watched his face for a few moments in the darkness, outside a car drove by and blinding headlights into the room.

“I believe you.” She said, sliding a large manilla envelope, that Steve hadn’t noticed, across the table. Steve padded closer and took the package from the table. He quickly undid the red ties at the top. 

“Travel documents.” Natasha continued as Steve began pulling documents out. “Passport under a new name, drivers license, the works, two thousand dollars American cash in non-sequential bills. And a one way boarding pass to Prague. My intel shows that that was his last known location. He took out an ambassador associated with Hydra yesterday. I think they’re having him tie up lose ends since their whole operation went to shit.”

“Is Fury really letting me do this?” Steve asked, disbelieving. 

“Oh god no. He doesn’t know about any of this, this was all me.” Natasha paused, pursing her lips. “Fury wants you here and only here. If you do this- if you leave- he will send people after you. So if you choose to do this, you’ll need to disappear completely. You’ll have to leave your credit cards, your cell phone, anything that can be traced.” 

“That doesn’t matter.” Was all Steve could say, his fingers rifling through his new passport. His new name was Joseph Cotten. He chuckled. 

“I thought you would appreciate the name.” Natasha smiled. “I’ve never seen any of his movies but the internet says he was one of the best actors of the 1940’s. Easy enough for you to remember- but not so easy others will think it’s fake.”

“He was actually one of Bucky’s favorites.” Steve sighed. “Anyways, when do I leave?”

“Your flight leaves at four AM. You have to get there before he leaves the country.” Natasha stood with a smile and started to leave. “Have fun in Prague, Rogers. Don’t smoke too much pot while you’re there.”

“Natasha.” Steve started and she turned towards him. “If Fury finds out this was you, he’ll have your ass. Why are you doing this for me?”

“Because Steve,” She said, her head hung slightly and her hand on the doorknob. “You’re not the only one whose once loved James Barnes.” 

She left and he didn’t stop her. 

He went to his bedroom and packed his gym bag full of clothes and toiletries. How long was the flight to Prague? He grabbed a few books and his drawing pad. He didn’t have many sentimental items left in the world, he even left his shield sitting by the door- it was too identifiable. He hoped Natasha would save it for him for when he came back, or even if he came back. He finished packing and left his apartment within the hour. 

—

But of course Bucky wasn’t in Prague by the time Steve arrived. 

That, of course, just would have been too easy and convenient. Steve searched around for a few days, searching the crime scene, examining buildings within a sniper’s radius- looking for any sort of hint. 

He dejectedly returned to his hotel around on his fourth night in Prague and there was a large package waiting at his door. He glanced up and down the hall. It was addressed to him (technically his pseudonym) in Natasha’s tell-tale chicken scratch that she called handwriting. He was curious as to what she felt necessary to send him- let alone how she had even known where to send it. He took the box inside and set it on the bed. He cut through the tape and various shipping labels and opened it. Inside there was a cheap looking cell phone and a laptop, including a charger and various international adapters. He fished a small note out from the packing peanuts. 

‘Some things I thought you might need.  
Stay safe.  
-Natasha  
PS. It’s all untraceable.”

It was signed at the bottom with a crudely drawn smiley face. Steve found himself smiling, at least someone was looking out for him. 

—

It took him another two days to finally realize Bucky had left Prague, and most likely Italy all together. 

Steve was starting to realize that he wasn’t very good at this spy stuff. 

—

Another two days later, he awoke to the sound of the ancient looking cell phone chiming at him and he scrambled to answer the call before it went to voicemail- if this phone even had a voicemail. 

“Seven days…” A raspy voice on the other end whispered. 

“Wait- what?” Steve replied after shaking his head. 

“It’s a movie reference.” Natasha’s voice came through clearly. “I thought it would be funny but I forgot you’re like eighty and wouldn’t get the reference.”  
“How was that a movie reference?”

“It’s a horror movie where you watch this dvd and then someone calls you and- you know what never mind it’s not important.” She rambled and paused. “How are you?”

“As good as I can be considering I’ve found nothing and am stuck in a country I really know not that much about, let alone I don’t speak the language.” Steve frowned. 

“I’ve been there.” Steve heard her sighed through the phone and he flopped backwards onto the bed.

“So what do I do?” He asked.

“Well, I think he’s in Hamburg now. Another former Hydra operative was killed in classic Winter Soldier fashion.” She answered. “I can wire you more cash when you get there. But I recommend getting a move on, he doesn’t seem to stay in a country for more than a few weeks at a time.”

“I’ll leave tonight.” Steve paused. “Natasha- how did you know what hotel I was staying at?”

She laughed. 

“Again, do you really need to ask?” And the line clicked dead. 

—

Four months went by. 

Four months of searching, of waiting, of chasing. 

The closest Steve ever got was glimpsing the back of Bucky’s head before he had ducked away. That was three weeks ago in Chartres, France. Natasha was right- he never stayed anywhere more than two and a half weeks. 

She would call on occasion- whenever she got a new lead, or whenever Fury and SHIELD got too close to him for her liking, which- Steve hesitated to admit- was more often than either of them liked. 

But he kept running. He kept chasing Bucky from country to country until he came to Sao Paulo, Brazil. 

He had only been in Sao Paulo before he felt someone watching him. It was that tickle at the back of his neck, the one that made his hair stand on edge- that someone was following him. Part of him hoped it was Bucky, either to kill him or to come home with him, rather than some Hydra goon. Steve was really beyond caring about Hydra soldiers anymore. If they wanted to come they could come. So he sat in the dirty armchair in his run down hotel room and waited. He waited for them to crash through the windows guns blazing. 

But he didn't expect them to come with a knock on his hotel room door. 

“No housekeeping please.” He tried, inching his way closer to the door, ready for a fight. Seeing as it was nearly one in the morning local time by now, he really doubted it was housekeeping. The person on the other side of the door laughed. 

“Okay then. I mean I have a bag of chips in here” She paused. “So fucking room service then?”  
He nearly flung the door open with a small smile. 

“Natasha.” He greeted as he fighter the urge to hug the woman. A familiar face was honestly really good to see. She didn’t reciprocate the smile, her lips pressed together in a frown. 

“You’re really bad at this, you know.” She said as she shoved a newspaper into his chest and continued past him. She shrugged off the backpack hanging from one shoulder and flopped back on the hotel bed with a groan and whispered. “Trains suck ass.”

Steve unfolded the newspaper to see his face plastered front and center on the first page with the headline: “Missing Captain America Sighted In Argentina”, dated about a week ago. 

“I tried to catch you in Argentina. But thankfully you had already left for Brazil.” Natasha said, now laying on her side- her head propped up on her elbow. “That newspaper is from New York, by the way. So all your friends saw it, they were kind of pissed you ditched them- I mean after they were happy to see you were alive and everything.”

“Is Fury sending someone?” Steve sighed and slumped into the armchair in the corner. Natasha smiled cheekily. 

“You’re looking at her. But don’t worry I’m not here to take you back, even though that is technically my mission.”

“I assume you didn’t tell him that it was you who sent me.” Steve glanced up to see her eyes simply watching him. Her hair was getting longer then he remembered- still as fiery and red as always. 

“From what I know about you, you would have gone on your own anyways. I helped so you wouldn’t get yourself or even James killed or arrested in the process.” She said with a small smirk. “And now I’m here to cover both of our asses because you couldn’t stay hidden.”

“I’m not as good at disappearing or lying as you are Natasha.” Steve said, bitterness laced in his voice. Natasha rose from the bed and came over to stand in front of him. 

“I know you aren’t. You’re a soldier through and through, Rogers, not a spy.” Natasha smiled warmly, and placed her cold palm on his cheek. “You shouldn’t have to do this but you are and I admire that. That’s why I’m here to help.”

“You said you once loved him. Is that why you’re here too?” Steve asked quietly, his eyes meeting hers questioningly. 

“Yes.” She whispered, paused, and then cleared her throat, giving Steve’s cheek a fleeting pat. “But that’s all another story for another day. Now we have to get to work on you.”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“What I mean is…” She grabbed her backpack from the floor and rummaged around in it. “Disappearing 101, Rogers, change your appearance.” She held up a box of hair dye. “You’re whole 1940’s fucking picture of America goldenrod hair situation is pretty identifiable.”

"Are you going to dye and cut your hair too?" Steve asked, combing his fingers through his hair.

Natasha shrugged. "I might cut it but I probably won't bother dyeing it. Remember Rogers, no one is looking for me this time."

\--

She taught him other things too. He had been a soldier in the past; hiding from the world had never exactly been in his skill set but it was definitely in Natasha’s. She taught him that flying was risky; things like trains or buses had far less security and thus dramatically less risk involved. She taught him how to blend in with the people of another country and culture as well as at least trying to act like he belonged. She showed him how to be seen but not actually noticed. Most importantly Natasha showed him how to track someone who doesn't want to be found.

They traveled for nearly a month together before Steve realized that Natasha had nightmares. 

They were in some run down excuse for lodging in Belize when it happened for the first time. Natasha had gone out to do recon on possible targets for Hydra when she was jumped by a group of low level Hydra goons. She fought them off easily enough and sustained only a few cuts and bruises as a result. When she wandered back to the room Steve, his hair now dark and short, dressed her few wounds and lectured her about going out to alone. It was odd but to them this seemed almost domestic- Natasha let her guard fall and drifted off to the feeling of Steve’s gentle hands on her skin. 

Steve smiled when her head wilted sleepily. He helped her into her bed nearly tucked her in. Natasha had never quite felt so vulnerable or relaxed with Steve, and a part of her enjoyed it. 

Steve settled into his own bed and pulled out a novel he had picked up from the only English bookstore in the small town. It wasn't long before he could hear her whimpers in her sleep. Her hands and fingers shook, and she tossed in her sleep. Steve frowned. They had had a rare moment of intimacy and he didn't want to ruin it (and probably get punched for his troubles in the process) by waking her. Steve padded across the room and slid under Natasha’s blankets from behind her. He tentatively wrapped a protective arm around her waist and pulled her tightly against him. Her movement and noises noises of distress stopped and she relaxed into his touch, he smoothed his hand slowly up and down her side rhythmically. 

Steve fell asleep like that- his face buried in her hair. Natasha smiled in the dark.

And when Natasha climbed into his bed the next night, Steve didn’t mind in the least. 

-

They finally found him in Russia. Or more accurately, he found them. 

Steve and Natasha had settled in a small farming town at least an hour away from any real city. Despite Natasha’s protests, Steve worried about her being back in Russia. 

“I defected years ago, Steve.” She set her bag down on the bed (after two weeks they stopped caring and just booked rooms with one bed) and crossed her arms. “Whatever secrets I have, I gave away when I first left. I doubt they care about me much anymore.”

“You’re still number six on The Kremlin’s top ten most wanted.” Steve said, locking and bolting the door to their room at the small inn. 

“Really? Only number six?” Natasha squinted and frowned. “If there are two things Russians are good at it’s making vodka and holding grudges.” 

Steve walked to the window and opened the dingy curtains. It was twilight and snow was gently falling to cover the cobbled roads of the village. Steve glanced down into the town square where a group of men were erecting a Christmas tree in a clearing. 

“Is it December already?” Steve asked, watching as kids adorned the tree with ropes of lights and shimmering tinsel. 

“Uh yeah,” Natasha paused and checked her watch. “The 24th actually.”

“It’s Christmas Eve.” Steve whispered.

“I guess so.” Natasha peered at him. “You going to buy me something nice, Rogers?”

“I didn’t even realize it was near Christmas.” Steve paused with a sad smile. “Bucky used to make a big deal about Christmas. Not necessarily the religious part, but the presents and stockings and tree and everything. Ever since we were kids, he would make Christmas for just the two of us.”

Steve tugged the curtains closed again and padded over to the bed. He laid facing Natasha, her face half buried in the pillow. Her eyes looked up at him, searching his face hesitantly. 

“He remembered you.” Natasha whispered. “Back when I knew him, I mean.”

“What?” Steve asked and furrowed his brow. 

“He was the one that trained me in the Red Room.” She cleared her throat. “But we developed more than your standard mentor-mentee relationship and we fell in love. They hadn’t put him into Cryo for years when we were together. He would wake up in the middle of the night with these dreams- dreams of you. His quarters were full of drawings of you, he would draw them when he first would wake up- when the image was fresh in his mind. He couldn’t quite make the connections or figure out who you were; but he knew that he loved you.”

“Is that why you came out here?”

“I know that bits and pieces of his life are still in his head. I know that he at least remembered you. He’s still a good man. He was the one that told me to defect and join the good side. Once I left I’m sure that they found out and erased him again but I’m pretty sure that he remembers who I am to him too.”

“Natasha, I believe that Bucky is in there just as much as you.” Steve sighed. “But he tried to kill us.”

“He’s done that before.” Natasha lifted her shirt off and placed Steve’s hand on the bullet wound scar adorning her waist. “You know James’ ability to take down a target. He could have killed me instantly- but he didn’t. He was sent to kill me- but he couldn’t, because he knew who I was.”

Steve smiled and tucked a curl of hair behind her ear, his hand lingering on her cheek.

“Thank you.” He paused, realizing her current state of relative undress. He felt his face flush.

“Really Rogers?” Natasha scoffed. “I swear it’s like you’ve never seen a girl in a bra before.”

Steve glanced down at the sheets. Maybe he could just count the thread count for the rest of eternity. 

“Wait,” Natasha took a sharp breath. “Have you never actually been with a woman?”

Steve shook his head.

“But you’ve been with guys though, like James.” She confirmed- Steve nodded. A few seconds passed.

“Top or bottom?” Natasha asked, smirking and cocking an eyebrow. Steve’s head shot up. 

“What does that have to do with anything?”  
“Well nothing really.” She admitted. “Just my own curiosity. I mean James had a sort of dominance thing and you were much smaller then so I assume you were bottom.”

Steve hesitated, but nodded. 

“Have you ever been the pitcher, so to speak?” She continued. 

“This conversation took a weird turn.” Steve sighed and buried his face into his pillow. 

“Just answer the question, Rogers.” She said, her voice lowered. Her fingers toyed with the hem of Steve’s shirt and she shifted closer. 

“No.” Came his muffled reply. A few seconds of silence passed between them.

“Do you want to?” Her voice suddenly much closer. “I mean I know you had a thing for Agent 13 and Peggy so I assume you’re into women too- not just men.”

Steve took a breath, his blood pooling involuntarily in his groin. He probably couldn’t say no even if he wanted to. Steve rolled on to his back and Natasha took it as permission, slinging her knee over his hip to straddle him. 

“I like the thought of you and James together.” She admitted through her smirk, her gaze dark and heavy as she leaned closer. “I think that James would like to see the two of us together, too. When we find him we could give him a little show.”

Steve let out a groan as Natasha rolled her hips against his quickly hardening cock. She quickly reached behind her back and undid her bra, the sensible black material tossed somewhere on the floor, Steve inhaled sharply. She took Steve’s hand in hers and guided him to massage and knead at her breast. 

“I’m willing to do most of the work here,” She chuckled. “But it would help if you would help me out a bit.”

Steve leaned forward far enough to tentatively close his lips around a nipple- Natasha squirmed. 

“See I can be useful.” Steve said against her skin. 

“It’s appreciated.” She smiled and moved down the bed. Her fingers gently caressed his hardness through his jeans before deftly undoing the fly. She quickly tugged Steve’s pants and boxers off with one swift move- his half-hard cock springing free. She took the opportunity to quickly strip off her own sweatpants and underwear. Steve watched as she slowly crawled back up his body. Steve sat up to meet her halfway and after his shirt was lifted off his body, he wrapped his arms around Natasha’s hips. 

Steve tentatively lifted his head to press his lips against hers. Natasha smiled into the kiss before prying his lips open with her tongue. Their tongues swiped by one another, exploring each other’s mouths as Natasha rolled her hips, rubbing her folds against his cock. Their mutual gasp broke apart the kiss.  
“We’re putting that tongue to better uses later.” Natasha smiled and pushed Steve back into the bed. “Although I’m sure you’re more used to James’ cock in your mouth rather than eating a girl out. He did let you suck that cock of his didn’t he?”

A wave of arousal rolled through Steve and he nodded. 

Natasha rose up on her knees and lined Steve’s cock up with her entrance. She slowly sank down inch by inch, both of them groaning. 

“You like me talking about Bucky?” She asked breathlessly once his cock was fully sheathed inside her. Steve could only nod. Natasha chuckled and slowly lifted herself back up and quickly sank back down as Steve bucked up into her. 

Together then set a relaxing rhythm, Natasha deciding to take her sweet time working Steve and herself to climax. 

“So tell me, Rogers,” She sighed between her motions. “Do you miss the feeling of his cock up your ass?” 

“Oh God yes.” He mumbled out. 

“We’ll have to do that too one day.” She moaned. “Have James fuck you from behind while you fuck me. Does that sound good?” 

Steve nodded and began to grip Natasha’s hips to slam her back down whenever she rose. 

“Yeah I think so too.” Natasha gasped out her motions becoming erratic, heat pooling in her belly. “James would love that- making you our little pet.”

Steve could barely form a coherent thought, much less form an actual response. He reached up and pressed two fingers against Natasha’s clit. She cried out as she reached her climax- her walls clamping down around Steve’s cock. He gave a few last thrusts and tumbled over the edge, spilling himself into her. 

Natasha collapsed in a sweaty heap on Steve’s chest. Once he was able to again form thoughts he kissed the top of her head and rolled her onto the bed, wincing as his sensitive cock pulled out of her. Steve pulled the sheets over them and fell back into his pillow. Natasha curled around him, resting her face in the crook of his neck where she pressed a kiss. 

“Nice work for a first time, Rogers.” She sighed sleepily. “B+ work.”

He laughed, a low rumble in his chest. “Shut up, ‘Tasha. Go to sleep.”

“Merry Christmas, Steve.”

\--

Steve was aware something was different in the room before he even opened his eyes, a skill he developed in the Army. When he opened his eyes he saw Natasha already looking back at him. Her eyes flicked from his to the foot of the bed. He followed her gaze to the figure standing at the end of their bed. Steve sat up slowly and Natasha followed, clutching the sheets to her bare chest.

Early morning sunlight filtered through the curtains and glinted off his metal arm. 

“Are you real?” He asked, his voice graveley from lack of use. 

“Yes.” Natasha answered. 

“Why wouldn’t we be, Buck?” Steve asked. Bucky peered at Steve from behind is long scraggly hair at the use of a familiar name.

“When they woke me up, I remembered you. They told me my memories were only dreams from the Cryo sleep. They said they weren’t real.”

“They lied to you, Pasha.” Natasha said and his gaze turned to her. 

“I thought they lied or that I was crazy. So I left.” He smiled slightly. “Just like you, Natalia. Right?”

“That’s right, Pasha.” Natasha smiled, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. 

“It’s time to come home now, Bucky.” Steve said, barely above a whisper, extending out his hand. 

Bucky hesitated but then nodded and took Steve’s hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are love, comments are life  
Ily bbys ❤️


End file.
